2011 has not started exactly how I anticipated it, by any means. My prayer as every new year rolls around is that I would draw even closer to God than I did the year before and that I would experience Him in new ways. And I can see through just a few short weeks how the Lord is already answering my prayer.
My second week of January started with a very heartbreaking end to my relationship with Robbie. While he was in Chicago, I had put my doubts and concerns of our relationship into a week of dedicated prayer and seeking council, and it was my earnest prayer that the Lord would confirm in many ways so that I was not confused if Robbie and I should stay together or not. After getting myself all doll'ed up and walking into the airport to pick Robbie up, his actions when he greeted me were more than disappointing and truly one of the clearest ways the Lord could have affirmed what he had been telling me all week. I guess I knew what the Lord was saying to me, but after 8 long months of forming such a deep relationship, I had hope--I didn't want to have to end something that had given me many great memories. But during that time I realized that I didn't have peace about our relationship and we just weren't understanding each other on the level that I wanted.
I believe God has intricately designed each of us, and has wired each of us to function in a certain way. And I believe that on a personal level, and since he created me in such a way, and he knows all things, I believe that he has designed someone that will connect with me in such a way that no one else can. As I have looked at recent couples getting engaged and married, they look like they just "fit" together. I am looking for that, I am looking for my soul mate. I have really been re-learning that the Lord deeply cares for me, and he designed me, and he has placed certain desires in my heart. I know to ignore what the Lord was telling me about my relationship with Robbie was that if I continued on that path, I may be happy or ok, but it might not have been His best, what He truly desires for my life. I believe He will go above and beyond my expectations, and I am not going to settle. And not only am I not going to settle, I am going to be obedient in what God has called me to do, and I am going to continue to strive to do as 1 Cor 7 says, and have undivided devotion to the Lord in body and spirit. I am going to continue to wait, wait for my future husband, wait for the Lord to bring him into my life, and wait for HIS timing.
I have learned so many things. I have learned what kind of a relationship God wants to have with me and his desires for me, I have learned obedience (yet again), I have learned what it is like to be human and sinful and make mistakes, I have learned how to deal with bumps in the road and managing hormones, I have learned not to settle, I have learned to recognize things that are just part of someone's character and won't change, I have learned what it means to cherish and treasure someone, I have learned how important expressing love in different ways is, I have learned that a relationship really should consist of undeniable peace, I have learned how self-sacrificing love truly is (especially in a marriage relationship)I have learned to be dependent on God more than anything else. And finally, I have learned that I still have a lot of learning to do. As I saw the girls at Kara's bachelorette party, some married, and some not, I realized just how much stronger their walk was than mine, and how unprepared I truly am. I have so much more growing to do. I can see that the Lord has brought me into a time of refinement.
And as devastated as I was, the Lord blessed me with a new career. I will be working with Aon. I am just in awe how that fell into place. I didn't know much about this company, but they sought me and offered me a position that is seemingly perfect. They will be working with me while I am in school, and I will be part time. Then, once I graduate, I will be full time in a position that I decide I like, and one that they think I will succeed in. I think that I have nothing to worry about because it has all lined up so far, I am confident we will be in agreement as to which full time position I will have. I am so blessed that I will have a stable job, and I am excited because with this new job...
I will be getting a new apartment! I am looking into the uptown village apartments because they are 2 minutes away from where I will be working and 2 minutes away from anything I really need. It seems like such a happy environment, and I think I could easily live alone there. However, I am looking for a NEW roomate.
Even before I started dating Robbie, many of my friends had moved away or fizzled out. I am looking for a solid group of friends that I can be myself around. I want a new group of friends that share my same interests. And maybe if I found that group, I would be able to find a roomate. This is my next prayer. In my search to find new friends, I am going to start attending other college ministries and seeing if I can get plugged in anywhere.
All I know is that 2011 has given me a very rocky ride so far and it has only been 1 month. I have 11 more to go. I know so much can happen between now and then, and I am so excited for this adventure and all things new. It wasn't how I planned it, but I know that Jesus knows the plans he has for me, and he goes before me. I can see how He has his hand on my life and how He is weaving each piece of my life together.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from telling lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to blot out their name from the earth.
Psalm 34
